Sex, Lies, and Valentine's Day

By Tricksie Jones

Greetings fellow poly lovers, Valentine’s day is nigh!

Valentine’s day (which incidentally is a tradition with polyamorous roots, as opposed to the accepted tradition about a bible thumper named St. Valentine who was fed to lions in front of a coliseum  full of cheering heathens ), is a time for sharing Valentine’s notes, chocolates and sex partners (at least for us it is.) As any woman that has fucked another woman* knows, sex always comes with a great load of bullshit! So to celebrate Valentine’s day, I am going to present to you the top 5 lies poly pioneers tell ourselves and each other.   

#5 : My primary partner knows I’m sleeping with others,  just don’t tell her/him about it.

Ahh, yes. The stereotype of the desperate housewife comes alive (no pun intended) in your very own bed.  Now, of course, there are always situations where a poly relationship should be held discreet (in front of conservative friends, disapproving family, during a divorce, dealing with sexual identity issues, etc.). The key is to discuss beforehand just how willing you are to keep your relationship quiet. Unless you have a fetish for being a dirty little secret, like yours truly, you may begin to internalize the shame and turmoil that cloaks your relationship.

#4: My primary partner isn’t jealous that you’re only into me and not into her/him.

One of the things I tell married women I sleep with is that, under no circumstances, am I to be used in some petty jealousy game they have going on with their husbands. It’s an uncomfortable subject to approach, but knocking out that issue beforehand, saves a lot of pain later.  Real poly love is about loving more, not being used to hurt people.  

#3:  A lie told to the primary partner: Sure she/he is only interested in me but I think I can talk him/her into a threesome.

I have no idea how many married women I’ve slept with that told their husbands it was just a means to an end for a threesome,  while telling me that she is just exploring her lesbian side. Does it really matter to which person she is telling the truth? Neither side knows that they’re in for, and in the end, no one is happy.

#2:  Can’t catch me!

Push, pull, push, pull, push, pull.  Look at me I’ve got a big dick/vibrator/ Masters in Feminist Studies from Brown!  I can make you come like a slut/virgin/women’s musical festival-goer (don’t get me fucking started).  They talk all the talk; they may even walk some of the walk and manage to get you off halfway decently. But in the end they’re going to run off and taunt you in the hopes that you’ll come chasing them. For mercurial motherfuckers like these, it’s all about ego, and not even a shred about loving more.  Do yourself a favor and something entertaining at the same time: shoot these idiots down and make them crawl. (Again, yours truly has a fetish for making subs crawl, but that’s another article entirely).

And the greatest poly lie ever told is …….

#1 My husband just wants to watch.

Bwaahh, haaa, haaa. That one needs no further explanation!

Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone!

* Ok, I know the more politically correct term would be “poly lover that has fucked another poly lover”.  But you do have to admit the stereotype of two or more women sleeping each other getting complicated, exists in part, to the fact that everyone time women sleep together it always brings a lot of bullshit. The more women you add to the mix, the more synergistic the bullshit becomes.

-Tricksie Jones

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